What's wrong with people? what's wrong with me

 Trying to focus while grieving is hard cause at any random moment your brain reminds you that they really died and that you will never see them again.


   On some random days i really fall into my head banging why people do that to me. i really don't deserve that. Di hari-hari dimana aku duduk terenyuh dan mikir coba aja mereka bisa rasa apa yang aku rasain. apakah mereka sanggup, with some people, i mean you know my background, you know who i am, you know where i came from but why you do that to me. why you left me, why you do me dirty. but i can't talk about this with people so i just pour everything here. i really missed you mom, this world is so cruel mom. mah aku hidup seperti pengemis. saking kehilangan mamah aku coba cari cari kasih sayang di orang lain. aku ga nemu. gaada yang sebaik mamah ternyata, dalam bayangan ku bahwa ada orang yang baik yang mau nerima aku ternyata gaada mah. aku coba tebal muka, pura pura kuat, pura pura bisa balas mereka like how they treat me, tapi aku gabisa juga. why you gave me this heart mah? barang berharga satu satunya yang aku punya untuk hadapin dunia ini. my heart is so pure that i can't hate them, that i let them to hurt me. why i still forgive them. i'm trying not to. but that is not who i am. how fool. i can't shut up, i keep overshare and trying to make people care about me. sampai hilang harga diri hanya karna kehilangan mamah. orang-orang apa mengerti mah kalau kehilangan satu orang bisa buat orang itu berubah, jadi orang yang berbeda. aku gatau, i keep failing. bagaimana perasaan mamah lihat aku seperti ini mah? aku bukan memey, anak mamah yang dulu mamah kenal. this is so sad

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